Leadership and Late Night Laundry

Showing Up or Shutting Down?

My dream was to be in EMS from the time I was a kid. I was the first person in my family to enter public safety, and even ten years later, my family still barely understands what I actually do for a living.

I climbed the ladder in EMS young because I loved the job, genuinely loved it. I often tell people how grateful I am to have a career I enjoy and to show my kids what it looks like to do work that matters to you. Like many others in this profession, I’m divorced and a single parent—a mama to two pretty incredible kids.

When I took on my chief role, I knew it carried weight, especially at this stage of my life. It was challenging, rewarding, and very much an “I made it” moment. But I didn’t take this position for a title. Honestly, I could care less what you call me.

I stepped into this role at thirty years old, as a single mom, because I was stuck in middle management. That place where you know enough to see what needs to change, but don’t have the authority to make it happen. And if you know me personally, you know my mouth sometimes gets ahead of me. Middle management was tough.

That said, it wasn’t all bad.

Middle management allowed me to leave work at work. When I went home, I was just a mom. I didn’t worry about how many trucks were on the road because that wasn’t my responsibility. My job ended when I walked out the door, and I got to just be me for a little while.

Being chief is different.

They gave me a work phone that rings 24/7. They gave me a computer that carries my entire office with it. I take this role seriously, and I carry a lot of pride in the people I represent. When I say I have the best staff, I mean it. What makes this job hard isn’t them—it’s the difference between how I imagined this role and the reality of it.

I want to be the boss who shows up. I know what it feels like to work for someone who doesn’t. If my staff needs me, I want them to know I’m there. A panel of people trusted me with this position, and I don’t intend to let them down.

What no one warned me about was the balancing act.

Your work phone rings during your kid’s soccer game, what do you do? I’ll tell you what I do. I answer it. And that call usually leads to me staring at my other phone, checking schedules, charts, or emails instead of watching a goal being scored.

Did I just choose my job over my kid?

My daughter is doing homework in the evening, and my phone rings. Instead of helping her, I’m writing down details of a possible complaint. This happens so often that when my work phone rings, my kids know they have to be quiet. Mommy’s on a work call.

I’m doing what I’m supposed to do as a chief. I’m showing up.

But I’m also a parent, and sometimes it feels like I’m failing at that because I’m constantly showing up for my career. That doesn’t feel fair to my kids. So I try to overcorrect. I've never missed an event since moving into EMS management. I don’t miss games. I take them to every practice. I show up for school events. I make sure they have good memories and I do my best to make sure I'm actually present at the events.

But then I’m exhausted. And I slack at work.

So now I’m showing up for my kids, but not fully delivering what my department needs. Either way, someone is getting less than my best.

How do you balance work and home life when both demand everything you have?

I once watched a video by Simon Sinek where he asked, “Are you good at multitasking?” Confidently, I thought, Absolutely. Have you seen my life? Then he explained that multitasking isn’t real, it’s just switching rapidly between tasks. You’re not doing two things at once. You’re doing two things, one at a time, very quickly.

And that hit me.

If I’m involved in something, I want to actually be involved. I don’t want to be the parent who just shows up. I don’t want to be the boss who has no idea what’s really happening in her agency. I want to know all the things and do all the things.

But I’m one person and right now, I’m struggling.

What’s the balance? Is there a happy medium? Or is constantly showing up for everyone slowly shutting me down?

I don’t have all the answers yet. But this is my goal for 2026:

I will be a great chief who shows up when needed.

And I will be a great mom who continues to show up for her kids.

If you’re walking this same line, join me. We’re figuring it out together.

— AR